you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
