Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
