I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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