i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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