just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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