just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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