I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
