No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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