That's intense
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
