Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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