I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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