I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
