I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
