I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's never too late to be topless.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
