she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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