Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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