Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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