Its about making memories worth repressing
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
