The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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