I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
