She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
