apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
