He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize