Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
