Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
