we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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