Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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