i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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