I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
