I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
