someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
