Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
