you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
