There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
God I need to hump something, right now.
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