pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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