Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
