hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
