Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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