sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
