none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
