This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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