I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
