How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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