nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
