winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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