So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
