My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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