I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
