no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
