I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
