It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
