we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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