I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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