I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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