i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
