Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
