Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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