you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
