I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sext me about skeletons
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
