hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
