just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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