my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
