flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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