I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Randomize
