All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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