**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
