I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
