he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
