Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
