where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
