We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
