i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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