I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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