Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
