come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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