I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
