when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
