I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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