She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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