I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
